


Dizzzgusting.

by JustAnotherFool



Series: Ineffable Bureaucrazzzy. [2]
Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: But he's still a jerk, Cute, Indirect Kiss, Ineffable Bureaucracy (Good Omens), Nice Gabriel (Good Omens), Other, Self-conscious Beelzebub, Sugar, flies, kinda gross, sweets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2019-09-15
Packaged: 2020-11-02 02:50:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20596799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustAnotherFool/pseuds/JustAnotherFool
Summary: The Archangel Gabriel had never thought gross matter could get evengrosser.





	Dizzzgusting.

**Author's Note:**

> The more stories I write, the more I think I don't know what tags really are for.
> 
> Anyway, hope you like!
> 
> Can be seem as a sequel to [this story](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20357485) or can be read as a stand alone. Whatever works better for you.

"You are late" Gabriel said matter-of-factly. Beelzebub was not concerned at all.

"And you are on time" They replied as dryly as him.

It wasn't the first time their meeting took place on Earth, since it was even ground. Beelzebub missed vaguely the pleasure of making the Archangel wait in their dreadful hellish waiting room for hours and hours... But it was awful having to go Upstairs to some meetings as well. Everything there was so bright and vast. So, yeah, settling for a middle ground pays off in the long run.

It wasn't the first time the Prince of Hell and the Archangel Gabriel met _in private_ either. These regular meetings were often boring and nothing vital was discussed, so the other Archangels just stopped bothering to come along altogether. It wasn't as if Beelzebub would try and slaughter them during an assembly. It'd be terribly unprofessional for a Prince of Hell, besides earning them a _godly_ amount of paperwork. Just... Not worth all the trouble.

It was, however, the first time Beelzebub saw Gabriel with a cup of coffee lying in front of him on the table. And they knew, just like everybody else, how the Archangel _despised_ human food. Or human drinks. Or basically anything humans consumed.

"Why izz it there?" Beelzebub pointed to the offending cup, trying to suppress the buzzing sound that accompanied their confusion.

"I ordered it" Gabriel looked at the coffee as if it were poison. It would feel deeply offended by now if it had any hint of consciousness. "I **had to**, because _someone_ kept me waiting and the human servant said I must order something or leave" He explained before grabbing the cup and handing it to Beelzebub.

"And why would I want it?" They kept their arms firmly on the sides of their body, somewhat rejoicing in how stupid Gabriel looked with his arm still extended midair.

"Because it is your fault I had to order it in the first place" He eventually got tired of holding the cup midair and, noticing his offer wouldn't be taken (how rude), he just placed the coffee in front of The Prince of Hell. "The sooner you get it, the sooner we go back to business" Gabriel said at last.

Beelzebub frowned at the cup, sighed internally and complied. The sooner they got out of there, the better.

As they expected, it was _bitter._

"That's dizgusting" They handed it back to Gabriel "Just throw it away or something"

"Gross matter is always disgusting" He said in a patronising tone "But waste in not heavenly and it's still your fault, so you drink it"

Beelzebub entertained briefly the though of throwing the coffee on Gabriel's perfectly aligned suit, but decided against it. This meeting was professional after all. And anything that would extend the argument even further was just pointless.

"Fine" their tone managed to turn 'fine' into a curse word.

Then they proceeded to miracle a sugar bowl and drop all of its content in the cup. The coffee became something more consistent and less liquid, besides emanating a sickeningly sweet scent. _Perfect_.

Beelzebub gulped down a huge portion of this honey-like coffee. Gabriel's face turned slightly green.

"Let's do business now" They licked their lips "...What? Are you ill or something?"

"Angels don't get 'ill'. Let alone Archangels!" Gabriel sounded offended even with the greenish face. Beelzebub took it as a victory. "I've just... Never seem someone consume gross matter like _that._" He made a face to get his point across.

A hint of a mischievous smirk showed in Beelzebub's always frowning expression.

"Oh, you mean like this?" They drank all the remaining 'coffee' in one single gulp.

Gabriel's face was priceless.

"Yes, well..." He put a hand on his mouth for a second. He couldn't feel nauseous. He couldn't. He was an Archangel! "I presume you brought all the forms we might need"

"Of courze," They handed him the neatly arranged papers. "And I assume you brought your files for revision? You angels always make the most dreadful mistakes regarding paperwork"

"Not true," Gabriel all but pouted, but handed them the files nonetheless. "We're just not as obsessed with it as you demons"

"Are Hell's standards too high to you?" Beelzebub half-mocked half-challenged.

"I didn't say that, _Prince_." He managed to make the title sound like an insult.

Beelzebub ordered another coffee just to mess with him. The sweeter one in the menu, with extra of everything even remotely saccharine.

And, of course, they added sugar to it because why not?

Gabriel had to excuse himself for a second not to gag.

*

It became a habit: every time Gabriel was being particularly annoying, Beelzebub would order an atrociously sweet drink, pour sugar into it and gulp the not-liquid drink. Even though Gabriel got somewhat used to it by the seventh time or so (no gagging reflex or greenish pale face), his expression was still funny enough. And it did the trick to shut him up for a moment or two.

"That'z the last one" Beelzebub signed the last copy of a document, passed it to Gabriel and got up to leave the small café.

Gabriel, however, remained on his chair. It was odd. The paperwork was all done and revised, hence the meeting was over.

"What'z the problem?"

"Nothing. It's just... You didn't drink anything," His brow was slightly creased "I thought you liked those sugary abominations"

...Oh. That was unexpected.

"I'm juzzt not in zzze mood" Beelzebub bit their tongue flimsily to stop the extra z's. Why did he even care?

"Oh, I see..." He took the papers and got up as well. "You know, I find it quite amusing that a _Prince of Hell _ has such a sweet tooth"

Gabriel thought he saw a vague blush on Beelzebub's cheeks, but he couldn't be sure, as the Lord of Flies teleported back to Hell without even bothering to exit the establishment first.

The Archangel was taken aback when Beelzebub requested _specifically_ Michael or Uriel for the next meeting.

*

"I thought I'd made myself clear" Beelzebub stated, their frown deepening.

Gabriel gave them a forced polite smile.

"Michael and Uriel have better things to do than meeting regularly with a demon just to make sure our data match" He lied with ease. The other Archangels would have no problem at all to attend the meeting, but Gabriel felt it was personal.

"So you're the most disposable Archangel?" Gabriel wasn't sure if it was meant as an offence or just a playful remark.

"Look, I'm sorry, ok?" He swallowed part of his pride. "I clearly upset you and it was unbecoming and unprofessional, so I apologise," He put a small box on the table, it was light pink and showed the name of a pastry shop. "Here is my peace offering."

Beelzebub arched a brow, but opened the package out of curiosity. Inside of it lied an obscenely sweet piece of cake.

The Lord of Flies had mixed feelings about it.

On one hand, all the saccharine filling and powdered sugar on the icing made their mouth water.

On the other hand, they weren't **supposed **to like it. None of it.

There are many kind of flies. Some of them like rotting flesh, others prefer rotting fruits, others excrements, and some even feast in blood. Then, some like soft and sweet pastries.

Beelzebub wanted to enjoy decaying food or blood. It'd be more _demonic_ of them. More _normal_ to Hell's standards. But rotting food was just disgusting (and not in a good way) and blood was tasteless at best. But sugar... Ah, sugar was good. Sugary food with soft textures that melted in the tongue were just... Right. A guilty pleasure.

Of course, neither _soft_ nor _sweet_ were good adjectives in Hell, so Beelzebub avoided eating in the presence of other demons. It would be hard to keep a good reputation as a fierce and unforgiving Prince of Hell otherwise. They also never ate in the presence of angels, but it was more out of habit than a conscientious choice... Until Gabriel gave them coffee. They were apprehensive at first, but since Archangels are quite clueless regarding Hell's dynamics, they decided it would mean no harm.

Then Gabriel had to make that remark... He just **had** to throw in their face they were odd for liking sweetness.

Speaking of Gabriel, he was staring at Beelzebub looking somewhat anxious. His purple eyes examining their face for the smallest of reactions.

"You're forgiven," They rolled their eyes. "Juzzt... Don't do that again"

"Excellent," Gabriel cared about the demon's forgiveness more than he'd ever admit "but what exactly did I say to upset you again?"

"The _sweet tooth_ thing," They took a deep breath. Gabriel could be so dim-witted. "Just _don't_"

"Fine" He seemed pleased with the arrangement "So... Aren't you going to eat it? The human baker said it was the sweetes... Ah, most saccharine one"

Oh, yes, they had to _eat_ it. That could be a problem too... Beelzebub poked the piece of cake with a fork. Drinking in someone's presence was one thing, but actually eating was another... The texture was so soft... Smooth enough to melt just fine.

"Of courzze... Let'zz juzt go somewhere private firzzt" They tried to ignore the self-consciousness stirring in their mind. It's not like the Archangel's opinion mattered to them.

And he would probably be grossed out. The idea made them almost smirk.

*

Flies don't chew. It's obvious, really, seeing that they don't have teeth.

Beelzebub has teeth, yet chewing was never appealing to them. They can, but they don't like it at all. Feels wrong.

Gabriel and they ended up on a bench near a park, not a living soul to be seem on the streets. A good place to have some privacy.

Beelzebub opened the package again and stared at its contents whilst Gabriel looked expectantly at them.

With a sigh, they leaned forward slightly, mouth wide open.

Their stomach took the hint and soon enough spilt digestive juices on the piece of cake.

Beelzebub cleaned their mouth with the back of their hand and watched as the mix of digestive juice and saliva melted the pastry. When it was all nice and liquefied, they brought the box to their lips and drank it all happily.

It was truly delicious.

Gabriel stared at them wide-eyed, but his face wasn't pale or greenish, what a shame... Beelzebub expected some stronger reaction. Maybe he'd even vomit this time. Or look utterly disgusted. Maybe even personally affronted.

"So... You always eat like this?" He seemed to regain his composure, his professional smile returning to his face. Beelzebub glared at him. "Oh, right, not talking about eating. I got it." He adjusted his posture and proceeded to find any other small talk topic.

Beelzebub rolled their eyes and licked the bottom of the box thoroughly before throwing it into a near bin. It's not like really Gabriel needed someone to keep a conversation. He was more than able to talk to himself for hours if given the opportunity, and The Lord of Flies was content in just hearing his rambling.

"I still can't see the appeal in ingesting _gross matter_," Gabriel said out of nowhere while rambling "I mean, I can see why demons would like it, it's evil after all, and humans need it to survive. But they don't do it for surviving purposes, they _enjoy_ it!" He said as if it was a crime. "Even some angels like to take part in it. It's disgusting!"

"You've never eaten anything, have you?" Their tone was slightly bored.

"Of course not!" He sounded offended. "I'd never sully my celestial form with such an activity."

"So you're curious about why people eat, but you won't eat yourself, therefore you get mad at everyone who eats?" Beelzebub summed up what they understood. "Seems petty for an Archangel."

"I'm not _curious_," He replied defensively. "I just... Wanted to know."

"Yez, I can see the difference." They rolled their eyes again. "You could just try something instead of wondering pointlessly."

"You will not tempt me into eating, demon." Gabriel exclaimed, Beelzebub found it rather foolish.

"Of courze not, why would I even want it? I'm a Prince of Hell, tempting people into gluttony is far below me."

"I'm not just 'people', I'm an Archangel!" He crossed his arms, insisting in the argument.

"Whatever."

Neither of them realised no work was done that day. No business discussed, no paperwork filled, no data exchanged. Just meaningless small talk on a bench for hours and hours.

It was rather good.

*

Not Heaven nor Hell seemed to notice or mind the lack of paperwork done in their meetings. They were more formalities than proper practical work after all.

Their meetings got longer too. It became a habit of sorts going for a stroll after a brief business-related talk and just enjoying each other company. Sometimes Gabriel would talk about his coworkers in a not very _angelic_ manner, but Beelzebub found it amusing. And he'd always buy some sweet treat for them for no apparent reason (with no comments afterwards, obviously). The Archangel didn't seem bothered at all for Beelzebub's eating habits anymore, which they found oddly nice. Sure, the grossed out reactions were funny, but knowing someone didn't mind what or how they eat gave them a warm feeling inside.

Gabriel didn't even bat an eye at the melted doughnuts or liquefied candy bars.

So it was odd when he stared at the milkshake cup Beelzebub brought with them.

"Lozzt something here?" They did their best to look annoyed rather than self-conscious.

"Oh, sorry, it's just... I've never seem you consume something as normal as a chocolate milkshake," He explained. "It almost doesn't look gross at all."

"...Thankz?" Gabriel's lack of social abilities was so obvious it was almost amusing. Beelzebub decided to let the remark slide that once.

"You don't think I'll be tempted to try it just because it's not all that gross, right?" He said haughtily.

"Az if I'd share anything with you." They shrugged and brought the straw to their lips, ignoring Gabriel's curious glances.

Beelzebub was halfway through their 'milkshake' when Gabriel nonchalantly got the cup from their hand and took a sip from the straw, still rambling about some boring thing (they weren't really paying attention. Something about Heaven's change of minor policies?). 

"You know, it's not that bad," He said and took another sip. "I still can't see why someone'd consume it on a daily basis, but it's somewhat pleasant." He handed it back to Beelzebub, but they declined.

"You can keep it then" The Lord of Flies bit back a grin despite knowing they should be annoyed for having their food stolen.

"Well, if you insist, I guess I have no choice." Gabriel seemed too pleased with himself. "There's no shame in being tempted by a Prince of Hell just once."

Beelzebub didn't tell him their 'milkshake' was actually melted chocolate pie mixed with liquefied brownie and a fair share of saliva.

They felt weirdly smug about having The Archangel Gabriel drinking their digestive juices and saliva combined with an obscene amount of sugar.

Drinking and _enjoying_ every drop.

It was positively dizzzgusting.

**Author's Note:**

> It got longer than I expected, but so does everything I write.
> 
> I already have an idea to a third Ineffable Bureaucracy one, so I'm thinking about marking it as a series... Even if all of them can be read as stand alone.
> 
> Anyway, I guess I'm not supposed to ramble on end notes, am I?
> 
> Hope you liked! It was fun to write!
> 
> (And interesting too. I researched quite a bit about flies eating habits)
> 
> See you around maybe.
> 
> Bye ♥


End file.
